Sometimes, I smile.
Sometimes, I wince.
And then there’s the times... well... you know...
Normally, I'd like to call this portion of our trip:
Don’t Make Me Call The Dance Police.
But due to the government shutdown, all non-essential government personnel are on hiatus.
Despite how important you think dance is, the Dance Police are not essential personnel.
In addition to the Dance Police, the following non-essential government services are not currently available:
Re-enactors in the Wild West stageshows in national parks. (And don't dance with any moose. Trust me.)
Sword-wielding crossing guards? Better run, kids. And if someone honks, run faster.
Caretakers at military day care facilities. (The kids just love the tanks! What does this button do?)
The Congressional Sex Dungeon. (The cafeteria, however, is still open. Ask for the Ham & Swiss with a cage on the side.)
DARPA's Anti-Gravity Research Facility? If you were flying at midnight, better hold on to a railing until funding returns.
That includes pianos too. Sorry. No pianos for you.
Any so-called "Dance Police" you encounter are not actual Dance Police, and should be reported to your local law enforcement.
The National Zoo. (We just let them out and forage for themselves.)
I think this is the Forestry Service. Or a bunch of axe-swinging maniacs. Possibly both. Yeah, they're off-duty. Burn, baby, burn.
Yep, even Stormtroopers. (NASA. Yep, Disney bought NASA.)
Arlington National Cemetery... man, they've let parts of it go to seed. It's so bad, the Unknown Soldier doesn't want to be known.
Oh, were you planning on getting your hair done, Mrs. Pelosi? Good luck. Better wear a big hat, because the Congressional Barber is closed.
I think the Post Office is still open.
The FAA is closed, so pretty much everything can fly, even this... whatever it is.
Want to see a museum? You'll have to get through her. And those claws are sharp! (Remember when I mentioned those fire fighters? Yep. The museum's fire. Burn, baby, burn!)
Same goes for the Hirschhorn art museum. This woman will maul your ass if you take one step inside.
(When she's not surfing porn sites.)
Coast Guard? Forget it. Welcome to America, pirates and brigands! Avast ye mateys!
I think this is the Kennedy Center. Which of you is a Kennedy?
Oh, these guys are.
Ancient Egypt, on the other hand, is still open. But have your passport ready. (Oh, the passport office is closed. Sorry.)
Drug testing at the FDA will stop. (Well, the official drug testing. Pass the brown acid.)
OSHAA inspections will be delayed. Just rub some Bactine on it. Your tax cut bonus should cover the cost.
Obviously, there won't be any White House tours, either.
Whatever the Hell this is, it's closed. You'll have to get mauled by ice-dragons somewhere else.
But, thankfully, Tiffany's is still open. Go shopping!
Thank you, and stay tuned next Sunday for the next thrilling episode, unless Congress continues its hissy fit and the federal gravy train stays derailed. Then, we'll probably just sit around and eat moon pies or something.
"Hey. It's Cave. Someone's not daaaancing. Come on. You know the law - testing IS NOT a dance exemption. Don't make me call the dance police"
- Cave Johnson, Portal 2 Perpetual Testing Initiative Expansion Pack.